Carpet

There was a time when carpet use got a little out of control.  People had a hunger that only an all-you-can-eat buffet could satisfy.  It was being used everywhere.  I remember asking my grandfather why he carpeted his countertop, only to have him explain how he "had some left over after finishing the roof."  Carpet was automatically used for everything.  There was never a debate about what type of flooring was going to be installed; the only question was what colour would the carpet be?  Despite all of the carpeting that was done, there are a few things that I've never seen carpeted.  I have never seen a carpeted bathtub, although it would have been considered the first no-slip tub.  

This overuse of an item is not just limited to carpet.  I have a cousin who has a small bee farm that produces honey.  He has developed an incredible love for honey and an unending amount of uses for it.  No matter what food is being served, be prepared to be told how good this particular item tastes with a little bit of honey.  From meats to desserts, honey is apparently good on everything.  I think that my cousin has turned into a bear, but I am not going to rule out the possibility that he is still fully human until all of the facts are in.

Luckily, the only thing that I care enough about to lose my mind over is cookies and that job has already been filled by the cookie monster.  This cookie devouring monster would use cookies for rims on his car if he didn't destroy any cookie left in his path first.  Upon closer inspection, the cookie monster also appears to be a victim of the carpet binge, having been covered with a nice blue shag, possibly leftover from my grandpa's deck.  Despite having the title of cookie monster, he doesn't actually eat any cookies, just shoving them into his mouth and crunching them into crumbs which fly all over the place.  My approach is much different, inhaling all of the pieces off my carpeted plate my Grandpa gave me - just like a vacuum would.

Gold Medal

Canada just set a new record for the most gold medals won by a country in the Winter Olympics.  They were tied with the United States and Norway with 13 before the mens hockey finals.  After all twenty hockey players received their medals the total was then rocketed up to 33, smashing the old record.  This number was later brought into debate after a snowboarder requested a chocolate medal, claiming they had an incredible case of the munchies.  If a medal has been consumed for dessert does it still count towards the total medal count?

The controversy continued as certain sports were coming under attack.  Not for the use of steroids but claims that events, such as curling are not physically demanding enough to be worthy of the Olympic Games.  These criticisms were thankfully quieted as 43-year-old Kevin Martin took home the gold medal in men's curling and 43-year-old Anette Norberg won the women's gold medal.

After watching the same speed skaters win medals in the 500m, 1000m, 1500m, 3000m, 5000m, 10000m  and Team Pursuit, the Canadian hockey teams came up with several ideas to win multiple medals.  Early event submissions have been made for the 30-Minute Hockey Game, 3-on-3 Hockey and Big Net Hockey.  If you can't win a medal in another sport, why not just add a small twist to your existing sport?

Fatherly Advice

There's no shortage of people giving out good advice.  You can turn a loss into a win by learning from it or watch how you treat your mother because thats how you'll treat other women.  A new broom sweeps clean or one bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  Then there's the timeless advice that I was given by father growing up.  My dad had two rules to live by that he constantly reminded us kids through speech and practice.  I should preface this by saying that my dad has a degree in biblical studies and several years of post secondary business training.  His timeless advice that he wont hesitate to tell anybody who comes within earshot of him is "life's a race and always wear a funny hat".

In an effort to make him happy my sister and I would hurry through tasks paying little attention to details all while wearing what we thought were funny hats.  He used to wear one of those hats that have an actual clock on the front with the saying "keeping ahead of time".  Winter is when my dad really shines because when a funny hat is your goal then the world is yours for the taking.  There are raccoon hats, jester hats, santa hats, elf hats and even those novelty ear muffs would fall under the definition of a funny hat.  The more that he could embarrass his kids the better.

When life's a race then your day has to start at 5:00AM.  Which when your a teenager those hours are only open for business if you haven't gone to sleep yet.  Having prefaced the advice with my fathers education I feel as though I should conclude with his occupation, which was a grain farmer for over 30 years.  Wearing funny hats and being in a hurry are part of the job description although I must admit that few farmers actually wear the funny hat on purpose.